Freebies
- Contests
- Newsletter
- Shot of Tequila Ebook for $1.29
- Free Ebook Compilations
- Planter's Punch
- Suckers
- SERIAL
- Floaters
- 55 Proof
- The World's Worst Poet
- Free Ebook Novels
- Origin
- Disturb
- The List
- Q & A With Joe
These free downloads require Adobe Acrobat Reader. Get it here.
Contests
Information about the current writing contest is on the Message Board.
Newsletter
Sign up for the newsletter. A few times a year I pick random people to give free stuff to. It could be you.
You can also download previous newsletters:
Newsletter #1 |
Newsletter #2 | Newsletter #3 | Newsletter #4 | Newsletter #5
Newsletter #6 | Newsletter #7 | Newsletter #8| Newsletter #9
SHOT OF TEQUILA for $1.29
A gutsy robbery
Several million bucks, stolen from the mob...
A perfect frame
All caught on video, with no chance of redemption...
A red hot recipe for roaring revenge
Now one man must single-handedly face the entire Chicago Outfit, a group of hardened Mafia enforcers, a psychotic bookie, the most dangerous hitman on earth, and Detective Jacqueline Daniels.
His name is Tequila. And he likes those odds.
SHOT OF TEQUILA--one of my early thriller novels co-starring Jack Daniels--for pocket change. Click HERE for details.
It is also available for really cheap on the Amazon Kindle. Click HERE.
Last edited 6/18/2009.
Free E-Book Compilations
Check out my shorts.
I've been fortunate. Most of the short stories I've written in the last ten years have found homes in anthologies, magazines, and online.
Unfortunately, many of these are now out of print and hard to find. Because I've had many requests from fans to make these stories available, I'm offering them here, as eBooks, for free. I'm also offering various collaborations I've done with other authors, and including some of their short works in these downloads.
Because I put these compilations together myself, they've never been professionally edited or formatted. I occasionally go back and edit/fix/tweak the books. If you downloaded a copy before the last edit, you may want to grab the latest version. See the individual titles for details and dates.
And if you have a Kindle, Sony Reader, or any other ebook reader device, and want to convert the pdf file for free, visit Calibre or MobiPocket.
Attention Kindle Owners
If you dislike doing the formatting yourself for the Amazon Kindle, Kindle 2, or Kindle DX, then you can also find all of the eBooks listed here formatted for Kindle on Amazon.com. Amazon won't let me give them away for free (except for SERIAL, which was released through my publisher), so each eBook is priced around $1.50.
PLANTER'S PUNCH by JA Konrath & Tom Schreck
PLANTER'S PUNCH is a story I co-wrote with Tom Schreck. It includes eight other Konrath and Schreck stories.
I recently completed a short with my friend, writer Tom Schreck. Schreck writes a funny, action packed mystery series (sound familiar?) about a boxing social worker named Duffy Dombrowski. Shreck and I pooled our efforts and collaborated on a story where Jack meets Duffy. And yes, they fight.
This 56,000 word compilation features ten stories, an interview, and an excerpt from Konrath's seventh Jack Daniels novel, SHAKEN.
Contents include:
On the Rocks - JA Konrath
Duffy by Decision - Tom Schreck
Body Shots - JA Konrath
Duffy, Elvis and One Very Special Hound Dog - Tom Schreck
With a Twist - JA Konrath
The Duffy Vinci Code - Tom Schreck
Overproof - JA Konrath
Hounding Duffy - Tom Schreck
Shaken (excerpt) - JA Konrath
The Right Choice – Tom Schreck
Planter’s Punch – JA Konrath & Tom Schreck
Tom Schreck Interviews JA Konrath
You can download this collection, PLANTER'S PUNCH, by mousing over the title, right clicking, and selecting SAVE TARGET AS in IE or SAVE LINK AS in Firefox.
It is also available for really cheap on the Amazon Kindle. Click HERE.
Last edited 5/14/2009.
SUCKERS by JA Konrath & Jeff Strand
Masters of the comedy thriller genre, J.A. Konrath and Jeff Strand, team up for the humorous horror novella Suckers.
Jeff Strand's perpetually unlucky character Andrew Mayhem, star of the novels Graverobbers Wanted (No Experience Necessary), Single White Psychopath Seeks Same, and Casket For Sale (Only Used Once), sets off on a simple mission at the request of his wife: Get some spaghetti sauce.
On his way to the store he meets Konrath's obnoxious private eye Harry McGlade, co-star of the Lt. Jack Daniels thrillers Whiskey Sour, Bloody Mary, Rusty Nail, Dirty Martini, Fuzzy Navel, and Cherry Bomb.
Horrific violence, bad jokes, and lots of name calling soon ensues. Some sex, too, but not between the main characters.
Originally, published as a very expensive limited-edition hardcover, Suckers is now available as a super cheap ebook.
But the fun doesn't stop there.
Also included in this ebook are six other Mayhem and McGlade stories, many of them rare and long out of print.
Whelp Wanted - JA Konrath
Poor Career Choice - Jeff Strand
Taken to the Cleaners - JA Konrath
A Bit of Halloween Mayhem - Jeff Strand
The Necro File - JA Konrath
The Lost (For a Good Reason) Adventure of Andrew Mayhem - Jeff Strand
If that's not enough to get you to part with your pocket change, this ebook also includes two brand new introductions written by the authors, and an exclusive Strand/Konrath interview.
That's over 53,000 words worth of demented entertainment.
Warning: Some of the jokes (mostly Konrath's) push the boundaries of good taste. Don't buy this if you're easily offended.
You can download this collection, SUCKERS, by mousing over the title, right clicking, and selecting SAVE TARGET AS in IE or SAVE LINK AS in Firefox.
It is also available for really cheap on the Amazon Kindle. Click HERE.
Last edited 5/14/2009.
SERIAL by Blake Crouch & JA Konrath
Thriller master Blake Crouch and I turn our attention to the twin golden rules of hitchhiking:
# 1: Don’t go hitchhiking, because the driver who picks you up could be certifiably crazy.
# 2: Don’t pick up hitchhikers, because the traveler you pick up could be a certifiably crazy.
So what if, on some dark, isolated road, Crazy #1 offered a ride to Crazy #2?
When two of the most twisted minds in the world of horror fiction face off, the result is SERIAL, a terrifying tale of hitchhiking gone terribly wrong. Like a deeply twisted version of an “After School Special,” SERIAL is the single most persuasive public service announcement on the hazards of free car rides.
Beyond a thrilling piece of horrifying suspense, SERIAL is also a groundbreaking experiment in literary collaboration. Kilborn wrote the first part. Crouch wrote the second. And they wrote the third together over email in 100-word exchanges, not aware of each other’s opening section. All bets were off, and may the best psycho win.
SERIAL contains the novella, SERIAL, a Q&A with Kilborn and Crouch, author bibliographies, and excerpts from their most recent and forthcoming works: Kilborn’s AFRAID and Crouch’s ABANDON.
The web designer for www.blakecrouch.com, the immensely-gifted Jeroen ten Berge came up with the badass design for the eBook.
And finally, a warning about SERIAL from the authors…
SERIAL is a horror novella written by masters of the genre Blake Crouch and Jack Kilborn.
But just because it is 100% free doesn’t mean you should automatically download it.
This is disturbing stuff. Perhaps too disturbing.
If you can handle horrific thrills, proceed at your own risk.
But if you suffer from anxiety attacks, nervous disorders, insomnia, nightmares or night terrors, heart palpitations, stomach problems, or are of an overly sensitive nature, you should read something else instead.
The authors are in no way responsible for any lost sleep, missed work, failed relationships, or difficulty in coping with life after you have read SERIAL. They will not pay for any therapy you may require as a result of reading SERIAL. They will not cradle you in their arms, rock you back and forth, and speak in soothing tones while you unsuccessfully try to forget SERIAL.
Yes, it’s free. But free has its price.
You have been warned.
You can read the first section online and download SERIAL for free by visiting Blake's site HERE.
You can get it for free on Amazon Kindle HERE.
You can get is for free on Sony Reader HERE.
FLOATERS by JA Konrath & Henry Perez
Author Henry Perez and I bring our series characters together for a bouyantly ghoulish mystery.
Perez's Alex Chapa, Chicago reporter and star of the thriller KILLING RED, goes off in search of a news story, and ultimately, a missing person.
Konrath's Jack Daniels, Chicago cop, has to solve a puzzling murder while simultaneously dealing with an increasingly underfoot Chapa.
Action, suspense, mystery, and a few laughs ensue.
Also included in this collection are a Q&A with Konrath and Perez about their collaboration, Henry's hitman tale Familiar Places, and Joe's hitman tale Last Request.
You can download FLOATERS by visiting Henry's site HERE.
It is also available for really cheap on the Amazon Kindle. Click HERE.
Last edited 5/23/2009
55 PROOF by JA Konrath
55 PROOF is a giant collection of JA Konrath's previously published short stories. Fifty-five of them to be exact.
You can download and read 55 PROOF for free. Click on the link, or save to your computer by mousing over the link, right clicking, and selecting SAVE TARGET AS.
55 PROOF - This version is a pdf file, roughly 120,000 words. It can be read on any computer, PDA, or device that uses Adobe Reader, which is free. The file can also be printed.
A complete list of contents is in the Q&A at the bottom of the page.
It is also available for really cheap on the Amazon Kindle. Click HERE.
Last edited 5/14/2009.
THE WORLD'S WORST POET - J. ANDREW HAKNORT UNCUT & UNCENSORED
This collection of over 1000 bad jokes and poems is 100% guranteed to make you wet your pants laughing. If you don't wet your pants, we'll send someone over to wet them for you.
WARNING. THIS IS VULGAR AND OFFENSIVE AND SHOULDN'T BE READ BY ANYBODY.
Hey! Jerkface! Get your neck out of that noose!
The underground Internet sensation, J. Andrew Haknort, is finally available for your Kindle reader thingy, so you don't have to kill yourself!
What? Haven't heard of the Woobie Award winning poetry of Haknort?
He was voted the worst poet in history, by people who vote for things like that, probably when they should be working instead of screwing around with Internet polls. Your boss knows you slack off. He's got a little tracker bot on your computer, so he sees how often you check your Facebook page. He's also got a spy cam in the washroom.
Where were we? Oh yeah. The ebook.
This ebook collection of over one thousand short, terrible, offensive, vulgar, dirty, politically incorrect bad poems and awful jokes is just the thing to brighten up your miserable life.
Unless you're easily offended. Then you shouldn't buy this. Spend your money on something better for your soul. Like meth. Or bullets.
But... if you can handle extreme bad taste, and you're the type of person who has a bunch of goofy friends who like to get drunk and play "handtool dodgeball," then this may be the book you've been searching for your whole miserable life.
This ebook contains hundreds and hundreds of hilariously awful jokes and gut busting poems. Plus it's fat free. And it makes you more attractive. And it cures cancer.
It's funny. Not funny like your Aunt Zelda, who your parents put in a home because she thought the squirrels were plotting against her. This ebook is haha funny.
The fact is, there isn't a single thing you can do that will give you more enjoyment than this crappy little ebook poetry collection. Except maybe buy feeder mice. They get so freaked-out when you drop them in the aquarium with your pet snake, and they run around all scared, but where are you going to run, little Mr. Mouse? You're stuck in an aquarium! You can see through the walls of your glass prison but you can't escape!
Snakes are cool.
If you took all the snakes in the world, and laid them all end to end, it would probably take a lot of time.
Anyway, here are some examples of the over one thousand (did we mention there are over 1000?) gems included in this ebook:
WHY THE FLOOR IS WET
I pissed,
And I missed.
JEFF
No one likes,
My cousin Jeff,
He’s a nice guy,
But has bad breff.
GRANDMA
My Grandma wear a diaper,
I really hate to wipe her.
I LOST MY SQUIRREL
I lost my squirrel!
I lost my squirrel!
It just fell off now I’m a girl!
FORTY DAYS AND FORTY NIGHTS
Why is it raining?
I don’t Noah.
GIANT HOG
There is a giant hog,
Who lives in my garage,
But I never see him,
Because he uses hamoflage.
DOING TIME
Prison gave me acne,
So I broke out.
HUNGRY GUY
I ate the parrot,
And didn’t share it.
THE PILL
Mary is on the pill,
But it plagues her with doubt,
Whenever she has sex,
The pill just falls right out.
Plus hundreds more bad poems, most of them too filthy to be printed here.
Besides the lousy poetry, this book contains hundreds of Haknort's thoughts and observations, some of them as seen on Twitter, including:
I wrote a book about menopause, but it is hard to understand because it doesn't have any periods.
When the old gypsy cursed me, I laughed in her face. I'm not laughing now, because when she saw me laugh she beat the crap out of me.
I was addicted to nicotine gum, chewing three packs a day. So in order to ween myself off, I started smoking.
Whenever I go fishing, I'm reminded of an old girlfriend. Her name was Annette. She also had a sister, named Smallmouth Bass.
I’ll never forget what my grandfather used to say. I would sit on his lap and he would yell, “Fatty buttocks! Fatty Buttocks!” at the top of his lungs. I guess I never really understood my grandfather. My parents didn’t, either. That’s probably why they put him away.
Yes, believe it or not, there really is a blue six foot chicken named Pepé living in my bedroom closet. Either that or it’s the drugs.
It’s much easier to differentiate between a cabbage and a lettuce if you give them names, like Shelly or Jockmo.
Instead of "Mothers Day" how about "Sexy Virgins Day?" It can be nine months earlier.
I never claimed to be a genius. Well, except on that billboard I rented.
I remember Mom’s signature dish. She called it Pork Surprise. It was just a big bowl of dirt with some clumps of weeds in it. When we asked where the pork was, she’d yell: “There’s no pork... surprise!”
And many, many, so many more. Boy, there are lots more. Lots. Too many, in fact.
You can download and read The World's Worst Poet for free. Click on the link, or save to your computer by mousing over the link, right clicking, and selecting SAVE TARGET AS.
WORLD'S WORST POET - This version is a pdf file. It can be read on any computer, PDA, or device that uses Adobe Reader, which is free. The file can also be printed.
It is also available for really cheap on the Amazon Kindle. Click HERE.
Last edited 5/14/2009.
Free E-Books
Are you curious what JA Konrath wrote prior to the Jack Daniels series?
Whiskey Sour was my tenth novel. I have nine others, but they failed to find publishers. This is unfortunate, because I believe a few of them are good books.
Am I deluding myself? Judge for yourself.
Now you can download them, for free.
Because these have never been traditionally published, they've never been professionally edited or formatted. I occasionally go back and edit/fix/tweak the books. If you downloaded a copy before the last edit, you may want to grab the latest version. See the individual titles for details.
And if you have a Kindle, Sony Reader, or any other ebook reader device, and want to convert the pdf file for free, visit Calibre or MobiPocket.
Attention Kindle Owners
If you dislike doing the formatting yourself for the Amazon Kindle, Kindle 2, or Kindle DX, then you can also find all of the eBooks listed here formatted for Kindle on Amazon.com. Amazon won't let me give them away for free (except for SERIAL, which was released through my publisher), so each eBook is priced around $1.50
ORIGIN by JA Konrath
1906 - Something is discovered by workers digging the Panama Canal. Something dormant. Sinister. Very much alive.
2006 - Project Samhain. A secret underground government installation begun 100 years ago in New Mexico. The best minds in the world have been recruited to study the most amazing discovery in the history of mankind. But the century of peaceful research is about to end.
BECAUSE IT JUST WOKE UP.
ORIGIN by JA Konrath
Hell is about to break loose... for real.
In reality, Satan is not a handsome gentleman as portrayed by a Hollywood leading man. Viewing him through the Plexiglas, he's a frightening beast, massively muscled, with hoofs the size of washtubs and the serrated teeth of a carnivore. The demon can be pleasant, even chatty, and delights in showing off his power of resurrecting the dead sheep he dines upon. To some of the staff studying him at the secret government compound, he's even likable.
That is, until he breaks out...
ORIGIN is a mainstream thriller combining the techno-science of Jurassic Park with the theological horror of The Exorcist.
Billions around the world fear the concept of the devil.
Now they'll have a chance to fear him in person.
You can download and read ORIGIN for free. Click on the link, or save to your computer by mousing over the link, right clicking, and selecting SAVE TARGET AS.
ORIGIN - This version is a pdf file, about 76,000 words. It can be read on any computer, PDA, or device that uses Adobe Reader, which is free. The file can also be printed.
It is also available for really cheap on the Amazon Kindle. Click HERE.
Last edited 5/14/2009.
THE LIST by JA Konrath
Thirty years ago, a top secret government experiment resulted in the birth of ten babies--clones of history's greatest and most infamous figures.
Blissfully unaware of their real identities, a bizarre murder sends them on a path of shocking self-discovery and a life-or-death quest for the truth.
Thomas Jefferson - Chicago Cop
Joan of Arc - Hollywood Producer
Attila the Hun - Career Criminal
William Shakespeare - Underpaid Ad Jingle Writer
Vlad the Impaler - Serial Killer
Abraham Lincoln - Used Car Salesman
Albert Einstein - Antique Dealer
Jack the Ripper - Hit Man
It's going to be one hell of a fight.
THE LIST by JA Konrath
The past has just become a current event.
History has given us many exceptional people.
Science just brought ten of them back.
THE LIST is a contemporary technothriller combining the humor of Christopher Moore with the action of Clive Cussler.
You can download and read THE LIST for free. Click on the link, or save to your computer by mousing over the link, right clicking, and selecting SAVE TARGET AS.
THE LIST - This version is a pdf file, about 82,000 words. It can be read on any computer, PDA, or device that uses Adobe Reader, which is free. The file can also be printed.
It is also available for really cheap on the Amazon Kindle. Click HERE.
Last edited 6/18/2009.
DISTURB by JA Konrath
A medical investigator, tormented by secret guilt.
A beautiful doctor, with an illicit desire.
A millionaire businessman, indulging a passion for murder.
And a human guinea pig who hasn't slept in seven weeks.
DISTURB by JA Konrath
You'll never sleep well again.
It's the pharmaceutical breakthrough of the millennium. DruTech Industries proudly presents N-SOM, a pill that completely replaces eight hours of sleep. Feel totally refreshed, both physically and mentally, in just fifteen minutes a night.
The profit potential is boundless. Mankind's productivity will go through the roof. One third of a person's life could be recovered, for only ten dollars a dose.
The FDA sends CDER agent Dr. Bill May to green light N-SOM for American use. The pressure, both political and monetary, is tremendous. But Bill soon harbors fears that N-SOM may not be as safe as early reports indicate...
After meeting brilliant inventors Dr. Nikos Stefanopolous and his beautiful daughter Theena, Bill stumbles into an insidious cover-up that hinges on Emmanuel Tibbets, a test subject who hasn't had a wink of sleep in over fifty days.
Bill's investigation soon unearths a snarled tangle of extortion, conspiracy, taboo sex, hidden secrets, and murderous betrayal.
When N-SOM's deadly side-effects are revealed, along with the shocking truth of how the drug is produced, Bill and Theena find themselves on the run from hired assassins, three letter government agencies, and a breed of psychopath unlike any ever known.
Billions of dollars, and billions of lives, are at stake. Can Bill and Theena survive long enough to expose the truth? Or will the world succumb to an evil that may bring about the extinction of mankind?
DISTURB is a medical thriller in the same vein as Robin Cook and Michael Palmer, but with the horror of Stephen King.
You can download and read DISTURB for free. Click on the link, or save to your computer by mousing over the link, right clicking, and selecting SAVE TARGET AS.
DISTURB - This version is a pdf file, about 57,000 words. It can be read on any computer, PDA, or device that uses Adobe Reader, which is free. The file can also be printed.
It is also available for really cheap on the Amazon Kindle. Click HERE.
Last edited 6/18/2009.
Q & A with JA
Q: Why are you doing this?
A: I've gotten a lot of email from people asking me about the books I wrote prior to the Jack Daniels series. Usually it's some variation of, "That book sounds great, can I get a copy?" So I've made my early stuff available as free downloads.
Q: Why are you giving them away as free e-books?
A: Two reasons. First, because I like technology and I feel e-books are going to continue to rise in popularity.
Second, by giving people something free, I'm hoping they'll become fans and want to buy my printed work.
Q: Have you released these under a Creative Commons license?
A: Yes. People are free to copy, distribute, display, and perform these books under the following conditions:
- Attribution. You must attribute the work in the manner specified by the author or licensor. (my name and a link to this website)
- Noncommercial. You may not use this work for commercial purposes. (you can use them as long as you don't profit from them.)
- No Derivative Works. You may not alter, transform, or build upon this work. (you can't alter them or add to them)
For any reuse or distribution, you must make clear to others the license terms of this work. Any of these conditions can be waived if you get permission from the copyright holder (me).
This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.5 License.
Q: So I can actually offer these books on my website for free if I want to?
A: As long as you link back to me, yes. I encourage it.
Q: Have you given up on these books ever being sold to a large publishing house?
A: No. But I'm not actively pursuing it. If anyone is interested, they can contact my agent.
Q: I hate reading on my computer. Can I get these as actual bound books with color covers?
A: Yes. These four e-books are available as printed books. Visit the Store for details.
Q: What is 55 Proof? Is that a Jack Daniels book?
A: On my website I used to sell anthologies and magazines that had my stories in them. Many of these are now hard to get. So I collected all of my short stories in one easy-to-read package. It includes thirteen Jack Daniels tie-in stories, plus a bunch of crime, humor, and horror shorts. It's over 120,000 words long.
Here's the complete list of contents:
JACK AND FRIENDS |
CRIME STORIES |
HORROR STORIES |
FUNNY STUFF |
Q: I found a typo. Should I tell you about it?
A: Yes, please! Feel free to also tell me about formatting errors, misspellings, and pretty much anything other than how much you think my cover art stinks. I know it stinks. That's why I'm a writer and not a graphic designer.
Q: Will you publish these in other e-book formats? I have a Sony Ebook Reader, MobiPocket, Palm, Blackberry, Microsoft Ebook Reader, iRex iLiad, Amazon Kindle, HanLin, BooKeen, STAReBOOK, etc.
A: Most of the newest ebook readers either accept pdf or offer converters so you can change from pdf into the format of your choice. One is Calibre, the other is MobiPocket.
Q: Wow, you're an awfully nice guy.
A: Thanks.
Q: But your covers still stink...